This is an ode to a woodcarver, with apologies to poets everywhere.

You have to have a plan

(By John Starkey)

Now as I look back, I remember it clear,

That fateful day my wife said “Dear-

I want you to carve a Santa for me.

I know you can do it, just wait and see.”

Well, I looked at her like she’d lost her mind

Honey, you know I can’t draw a straight line.

But a light went off and I feigned defeat,

A golden opportunity had been laid at my feet.

I can carve that Santa, I said to her.

I’ll just need a couple tools, that’s all, I’m sure.

She smiled and nodded and glowed with delight,

As I went to the hardware store that night.

I carved that Santa at the kitchen table,

And as I looked at him I knew I was able

To do a little better the next time around,

With a couple more tools that had to be found.

It wasn’t too long before I suggested

That this table was entirely too congested

And maybe she could move her brand new Jeep

Out of the garage and onto the street.

She looked at me and gave a big sigh,

I want more Santas, so I’ll give it a try.

I’ll need more tools, to do them right,

So I filled that garage, starting that night.

She had ideas about the Santas she would like,

And every time, a new tool to do it up right.

Then one day I said to her, I’ll build a shop out in the yard,

And you can have the garage, I know it’s been hard.

So out in the yard we built that shop,

We moved tools ‘til I thought we’d drop.

At the end of it all, she looked at me,

And said “Honey, I really can’t believe...

You got a radial arm saw, table saw, and miter saw,

A reciprocating saw, six handsaws, and a band saw,

A circle saw, jig saw, back saw, and a fret saw,

Three chain saws and a 10-foot pole saw.

You got a drill press, grinder, sander and shaper,

There’s a sharpener, buffer and jigs to taper.

There’s a hundred different hand tools laying there

And I swear I saw one of my steak knives somewhere!"

Well, I calmed her down in no time at all,

With a promise of an Uncle Sam by fall.

I’ll carve you one that looks really cool,

Just one thing, I’m gonna need a new tool.